Before we start, what is self-love?

 If you type this in on your google search bar, you’ll get many blog posts with many different definitions of what self love is and tips on how to develop the skill. 

Self-love is defined differently by everyone. 

The best part is you can come up with your own version or routine that ultimately helps you define self love for yourself. 

Don’t google self love, instead text 5 people right now and ask them to define self love and see how unique and beautiful all the answers are. Lots of times you can see the common denominator in the answers. 

One of the most obvious ingredients in developing the skill is letting go! Not acquiring, but letting go. Why is letting go key? You might ask. 

Well because, we have been conditioned to look a certain way! To act a certain way and to live a certain way! A Lot of times your thoughts circulating your brain are caused by learned behavior. Not all of it but most of it was imposed on you. 

Self sabotaging thoughts usually stem from this. This is probably the biggest problem in our society. We hurt ourselves with self sabotaging thoughts! 

We often look for outside validation or for some guidance because we believe we aren’t good enough or because we don’t have the right answers. 

But we’ve always had the right answers.

We dove deep into the subject in an earlier post called “How to Unlearn and Relearn.” In that post we explain how we absorb everything from age 0 – 7, making us a sponge.

This of course shapes us as adults. If we aren’t aware of this, we can live a very unhappy life. Lack of self love shows up everywhere. 

One of the most obvious places where lack of self love shows up is in relationships. 

Not just romantic relationships but all relationships.

Lack of self love could result in feeling:  

Needy

Unwanted 

Attacked

Judged 

Unhappy 

Frustrated 

Sad

Insecure 

Bitter

Expecting

Compared

Jealous

Fear

Resentment

Hate

Unworthy

Unfortunately some of us have to face hardships in life to finally see that we caused a lot of pain, not just to others but mainly to ourselves. This could mean going through a break-up, losing a friendship, a job or even a family member. 

Self love is essential for a happy and successful life. 

Think about it.

Here’s an example. Have you ever worn shoes or an outfit you loved? Maybe you got a specific haircut you liked, and someone close to you judged your outfit or haircut.

How did that make you feel?

You probably never wore that outfit again or got that same haircut again. You allowed for that person to completely deflate your confidence.

But initially you loved what you were wearing. You loved your new hairstyle. Nothing negative crossed your mind, until someone imposed their negative thoughts on you. That’s most of what life is. 

Others impose their own insecurities on the world. Just remember, hurt people hurt people. Abusive people have been abused. So instead surround yourself with people who truly love and care about you.  Ask for constructive criticism from people who truly cherish you if you wish to have an outside opinion. 

Don’t allow people to rob you of joy and don’t rob yourself. Like in the example above, we allow others’ opinions to change how we see ourselves. We value their opinion over our own.

We need to reinforce ourselves with self love in order to overcome objections, criticism, judgements and shaming. But self love is deeper than that.

We live in a culture where we need to have this or that to feel complete. Which is bullshit! You don’t need to do anything if you don’t want to, no matter what you’re already a champion in life. Your existence alone is a blessing.

Imagine feeling complete and secure at all times. Imagine having no fear. Imagine living your life on your terms. Imagine being sure of the life you want. Imagine being happy just because. Self-love can do this for us and set us free. 

But first we must let go…let go of expectations, let go of limiting beliefs and let go of judgement and we must heal. Forgive those who hurt you. Forgive yourself for not knowing better. Life is about remembering what your true essence is and evolving.

Respect, Love, Nurture, Trust and Forgive yourself. 

Love the life you have & you will have the life you love.

In life you don’t get what you want.

 In life you get what you are.