Before we start, I want to say sorry about last week’s blog post. I saw the people that tuned in last week and I want to say thank you very much for following the blog weekly! 

 C₁₂H₁₇N₂O₄P

I’m really excited to share with you one of my biggest psychedelic experiences!

On 04/28/2019 I woke up around 9:00am, after three hours of sleep. It was a beautiful day, about 79 degrees. It was gloomy and breezy. A perfect day to hike! My sister was on her way to pick me up, so I got ready. But as she pulled in the driveway, I decided it would be a great idea if I took magic  mushrooms with me just in case. So I packed the mushrooms in my backpack. 

As we arrived at the hiking trail, I tried to convince my sister to take some psilocybin mushrooms. She wouldn’t accept any so I figured I would microdose. 

It was a perfect day so I decided to eat a whole 8th instead of microdosing. I was ready to enjoy my trip surrounded by nature and beautiful weather. I offered my sister some once again, and she declined once more. So I ate the remaining mushrooms. 

I ate a total of 6+ grams of psilocybin mushrooms for breakfast. 

Yeah! I know! 

So 10 minutes into the hike I started  feeling some effects of the magic mushrooms. I started to feel a disturbance in the force field. Birds chirping began sounding amplified, I began thinking of what I had just done and realized this is the most I had ever eaten. I was on an empty stomach, had no water and was operating on 3 hours of sleep. 

So I kept my cool…… until I saw a white male running, he was red from exhaustion but to me he looked neon pink. So I began to tell my sister I had eaten way too much!

Suddenly, I began feeling hot, thirsty and hungry.

As we continued this 3 mile hike I began feeling…. really, really elevated. 

Ten minutes passed by and we were about 1.5 miles away from the waterfall at the end of the hike. I start feeling like the magic shrooms have overpowered me and I began feeling this thirst like never before!

This was a thirst I couldn’t quench! I started drinking all the water my sister gave me, and that wasn’t enough!

So I walked over to the creek, I wrapped one arm around the tree and held my other arm out and stuck the water bottle into the creek and began drinking the water! 

At this point I wanted the effects to go away, but it had only just begun! A few minutes go by and we proceed walking.  Not even two minutes  go by and I feel nauseous. 

So as we walk I start dry heaving! I tell her to continue without me and I walk off the trail. 

I put my backpack down, I took my hat off and then BOOM!!!!!

It was as if a nuclear bomb went off in my head! 

 Thoughts coursing through my head at supersonic speed! My heart is beating at a crazy rate and a full blown panic attack sets in! I sat down and tried some breathing exercises that seemed to only make me dizzier! 

It went from fun and playful to an anxiety attack.

 I remember trying everything to try to calm down. But the shrooms were getting stronger and stronger by the second.

If you’ve ever done any type of psychedelics you know, time is nonexistent! 5 minutes feels like 5 hours!

So I sat there looking at a hillside, full of flowers and bushes that drape down the rocky mountain. The flowers looked amazing.

 I can see the flower pedals changing colors like they do when the season changes. I began seeing the cycle of life. I would see the same flower blossom and die, blossom and die over and over again except it was a whole mountain hillside covered in flowers doing this simultaneously.

It was so beautiful to watch. 

I began feeling for the first time in my life one with nature. I thought about how if I died at that very moment and no one ever discovered my body I would decompose and literally become one with nature. For the first time ever, I saw the big picture. I understood the value of life at that very moment. I knew I was about to die and I knew that I had fucked up! 

I had fucked up at that very moment eating too much, not being prepared and I had fucked up many times in my life. I let a lot of people down, I lost some great connections with people, I lost myself and my self respect. As these thoughts are flooding my brain, I looked up at the tree I was sitting next to and used it to stand up. 

As I stood up I started noticing all these names, carved into the tree, like:

Gio + Jackie = <3

R.I.P Tony 1989-2017

Kate was here

And at that very moment I had an epiphany and thought “OMG, I am going to die here and I’m just going to be another carved name on this tree.”

Right at this time is when my conflicting thoughts started. I began thinking how meaningless my life had been up until that point and how much pain I would cause those around me because of my childish stupid death that could’ve been avoided. But then the voice changed! It’s presence became angry and I felt this primitive survival instinct kick in.  

Suddenly the only thing I could think of was survival. So I walked over the creek and saw the clean mountain spring water and I began seeing the purity of life. It was a moment when I understood the yin and the yang.

At that moment life became very clear. At the end of the day the only thing that matters is how YOU viewed your own life. I was seeing mine through the wrong perspective and it was evident to me that the way you view yourself does matter. Shortly after, I began thinking of all the good deeds that I had done.

The happy moments I shared with friends and the beautiful moments I shared with family. My whole consciousness shifted from negative to positive. 

 Life had given me more than I had ever asked for and even if I had an insignificant life in the grand scheme of things, I had a really remarkable life according to me. I felt I did my job and sent ripples of positive energy to each and every person around me. That had been enough for me at that moment. 

During this time the mushrooms were at their peak and as I started walking away from the creek, I realized I’m still in trouble. As I walk back towards the path, I’m actively looking for help to get out of the canyon. I saw a family, maybe 10 feet away from me, and screamed for help 3 times!

They didn’t even hear me. They laughed together and held hands and continued on that path and it was at that moment that I realized when it’s time to go, it’s time to go! NO ONE can save you from death. Once death is knocking at the front door, make peace with it! You must go! 

I looked up at the glowing sky and felt a warmth coming from it!

I had never experienced something so inviting in my life. Then a dialogue took place with someone or something. I was asked.

Q: Are you ready to “DIE” ?

A:  I thought about it and I answered yes! 

Q:  Why?

A: Because I am energy, I can not be destroyed, only transformed. I might lose my physical form but nothing more. 

Q: Did you have a good life? 

Fuck yes!!! (chills ran down my spine!)

Q: What do you regret? 

A: My life has been amazing! I can’t say I regret anything… except that I won’t get to physically grow with Lizz or continue to share this lifetime with her! 

Q: Are you ready to surrender your life? 

A: Yes, I am. 

Then You may Live! 

That very instant a lady walks by and helps me.

 Long story short, I’m still alive but my ego is dead.  

It took months to fully process everything I experienced during my journey. 

Death being one of my biggest fears up until that point. It was exactly what I needed. The ego will do anything to survive, but once you put ego aside you’ll discover love on the other side. I am no longer afraid to die.