Moment of silence

It’s officially 2022 and this is the year I face all my fears.

I have a fear of not being relatable anymore!? It feels like my life is inevitably drifting in that direction. It’s a force I can’t stop nor do I want it to stop. I fear I will only want to distance myself more from those I love. It’s constantly an eternal battle. A battle where I try to keep the essence of my old self alive. The ego, alive. I understand in order to flourish and grow, I must let go. Let go of old ideologies and habits. Still I have a fear, maybe it’s the fear I won’t be accepted by those who are currently in my life. Maybe it’s a fear that I myself won’t accept this new version of myself or maybe I won’t forgive myself for losing some people in the process.

At the same time it’s all really exciting. It feels like I’m closer, I’m not sure to what, but it feels like I am almost there. It all started when I began enjoying my own company. I now respect my time and my space more than ever. It’s just not as appealing to me to go out and hang out with other people. I rather sit all alone and just do things on my own.

It’s peaceful.

Peace and quiet is the missing element to my growth. I think it’s everyones missing element. Have you ever noticed how everyone tries to avoid silence, it’s very strange. I mean pay attention when two people are talking, if there is a moment of silence, it becomes instantly awkward. Everyone is so used to the noise that some of us can’t go to sleep without the TV on. It’s even more strange when some of us make fake sniffle noises while talking or a fake cough while on the phone or a tapping noise on the table to just avoid the silence.

We’re afraid of the Silence. I wanted to find out why? The only way to find out is to be in silence. It’s lifeless and it forces us to hear our screaming thoughts and emotions. We would rather listen to blaring music than our own thoughts. It’s less painful to hear the deafening noise of the outside world than to listen to ourselves. But if you can make silence your ally, it’ll help you grow. This was the missing puzzle piece I was looking for and I’ve found it. 2022 is all about tuning out the outside noise and tuning into myself.

I’m all in this year. I am committed to improvement. I am committed to listening to myself. One of my biggest fears is getting lost in the ecstasy of being alone. I constantly think about how perfect I want to be. They say our current life situation is a direct reflection of who we are as a person. My current lifestyle does not match my ideal lifestyle. But, why? Am I not ready to live to my fullest potential? The answer is yes, I am… but I have a fear. That’s what is holding me back. The fear is I will belittle everyone around me if I reach my fullest potential. I don’t actually believe I would do such a thing but it’s a fear I have. I fear I won’t stay grounded.

This year I shall conquer my fears. This year I will block out the noise and submerge myself in utter silence. I will intentionally dissect my emotions and thoughts to get to the root cause of everything. After all, I am drifting towards greatness, a truth I’ve felt at my core since I was 5 years old. Leaving an impact in this world is why I was born.