- Date Nights – Date Nights are huge for obvious reasons. Most relationships lose the spark because they lose the habit of dating. It’s all about creating a pleasant moment, at least twice a month. If twice a month is too much, go all out at least once a month. Make it as special as possible and don’t include anyone else. Just the two of you vibing together.
- Alone time – This is key for all relationships. Some alone time without your partner to simply do whatever you want to do. It can be an activity or a Tv show you watch or craft you do. 30minutes – 1hr is recommended every 2 days. Of course you should both alternate.
- Transparency – We’ve said it before on this blog, transparency is the problem in the world. We all think a little innocent lie wouldn’t hurt, but it does. The truth always comes out and when it does it hits everyone with speed and velocity causing lots of damage. Be honest about how you feel and Express any concern. If you lie to “protect” the other person, you’re actually hurting them more by not telling the truth. Don’t wait to tell the truth when the time is right either. Timing will never be right.
- Values – Values are rock solid and safe to build on. If you want a strong relationship, you must share the same values. Having things in common is good, but sharing the same values is necessary. Imagine you valuing a family environment and quality time and your partner values nights out drinking. Eventually this will blow up in your face. If you don’t know what values you share, try this. Grab a notepad each and make a list of 10 things you value and go over them together. Always make the common values the foundation of the relationship.
- Money – Money is always a huge problem in relationships. You and your partner must figure out if it’s healthier for the relationship to make a joint bank account or to completely separate the accounts. It’s also good to review together each other’s beliefs on money. Maybe you have a positive perspective on money, and your partner thinks money is the root of all evil. Make sure to address the Beliefs on money and find a way to compromise.
- Effective Communication – HINTS DO NOT WORK!!! Be crystal clear about what you are feeling and what you’re really trying to say. Even if the answer is obvious, be crystal clear! Remember to communicate effectively especially if it might not be a good time to discuss a certain subject… Always carve out time during the week to talk, It doesn’t even have to be romantic, just a simple 20 minute session to vent.
- Trust – Create trust in the relationship. How do you create trust? By telling the truth and being a person of your word. Remember to practice vulnerability with your partner, it’s not a weakness to let down your guard. It’s an opportunity to connect at a deeper level. Never weaponize what your spouse told you in a moment of vulnerability. It’s not ammo, it’s an attempt to create trust!
- Express Gratitude – sometimes we don’t realize how negative we can be. The truth is your partner deserves a huge award for putting up with you. Express how grateful you are for them. Gratitude can also be expressed through actions. It can be something small like cleaning the house first or making a special dinner. Gratitude is the fertilizer for all things in life. Show appreciation by being thoughtful and maybe buying them their favorite drink.
- Exercise – Life can be overwhelming! Sometimes we don’t realize it but we go through our day tense and annoyed which results in us taking out our frustrations on the people we love. Exercising is a great way to release some tension and put yourself in a great mood. If you and your partner can manage to work out together that’s even better. Couples that workout together stay together. The goal is to release the feel good chemical in the brain and not be grouchy all day.
- Discover – Try new things with your spouse or as a family. Keep exploring together. Make this a fun activity, drive until you end up in a new city and randomly pick something to do. It can be a bowling alley or restaurant or massage parlor, who cares whatever it is, try it! Fun adventurous discoveries become priceless memories. It’s worth it.
- Boundaries – Set boundaries. Be aware that setting boundaries and trying to manipulate or control is not the same thing. Be crystal clear about how certain things make you feel. Hold yourself and your relationship to a high standard.
- Respect – This might sound cliche, but it’s true. Don’t do anything you can’t take back! Don’t speak to your spouse in such a way they might feel diminished by you. Uplift your partner and praise them. Once respect is gone it’s hard for it to ever come back.
- Self Love – Love yourself! If you want to be in a happy relationship you must learn to love yourself first. Treat yourself, Compliment yourself and respect yourself. You must realize you are complete and no one can nor should complete you. If you want to overflow with love in the relationship, remember it all starts with you. Prioritize yourself and well-being before taking care of the world.
- Sex – Sex and intimacy is so important in a relationship. If you’re in a long term relationship and things have gotten boring try new things. But don’t stop having sex. Lack of sex is lack of connection. It is crucial to have the craving for your spouse. Not lust but just good old fun in the bedroom.
- Mindful Listening – last but not least. At times we can get so caught up wanting to be right we don’t listen to what our partner is telling us. We need to stop trying to talk over each other and communicate effectively. Listen to when your spouse is Expressing themselves and being crystal clear about their intentions. But also listen to truly understand their needs and concerns. Make sure you are hearing correctly and ask questions. Listen and be mindful. Make time to listen to your partner for 20 minutes a day. That’s all it takes!
Any relationship is complex and especially long term relationships / marriages. But they wouldn’t be if both people understood it’s an ongoing project.
If both people can ground themselves in the middle of the discussion and point out things like our values are clashing or our limiting beliefs on money are causing us to feel frustrated with one another. It becomes much easier to navigate the dark waters. It’s teamwork in every sense of the word.
Some people might read this and think… My husband or wife would even go for that. If that’s the case then you need to be crystal clear and have a serious conversation. Others might say I can’t stand my husband or wife! If you truly feel you can’t stand the other person then release yourself of that burden. If you really can’t any more then why are you with that person?
It becomes a question of self love at that point.
But relationships are built on strong foundations! It’s a beautiful ride. Where there are no expectations, just support. Being in love is a magical feeling! You can recreate that feeling even after years of being together following the 15 steps mentioned above.
I wish you all an abundance of love in your relationship and lots of amazing memories.